<3 pEaNuT bUtTeR!~!~!~

When I found out I had high cholesterol, one of the things that was suggested was to eat more oatmeal, or anything made from oats. (I know we've all seen the Cheerio's commercials about lowering your cholesterol if you eat like 500 bowls of Cheerio's every day for the rest of your life.)

Which, you know, was no big deal. Oatmeal's good. But--my idea of "oatmeal" was a sugar-doused flavored product. Even when my mom made me real Quaker Oats as a kid, I put a lot, a lot, of brown sugar on it. Like it was essentially sugar with a coupla lone oats tossed in.

So what to do now? How to make it appetizing without reversing the health benefits? I started by adding raisins, which plump when you cook them and add some natural sweetness, but I couldn't help but sprinkle a packet of Splenda on there too. When I became a little more informed and thus wary of artificial sweeteners, I stuck to just raisins. And it was okay, but I honestly had to force myself to make it. Like I would never wake up craving it, or even really wanting it, but I would shove it down my gullet anyway, reminding myself of its artery unclogging powers.

Then this past summer, I was at Kelsey's house one morning and she was making oatmeal for me, her, and her boyfriend George. When she asked George what he wanted in his, he said peanut butter. I remember doing a double take. Peanut butter? In oatmeal? I asked her who the hell she thought she was mixing these two things. She laughed at me.

Since then, I've embarked on a love affair with the union of these two previously disparate foods. I was already shacking up with peanut butter, have been for a long time. But now oatmeal's invited, and for the first time I really want him there.

If you've never had this, and you like peanut butter, I'd definitely recommend giving it a try. I mix about a half cup of oats with a cup of skim milk (but you can make however much you want) and usually just pop it in the microwave, but if you are cooking for more than one person, I'd recommend the stove. Then mix in about a tablespoon of peanut butter while the oatmeal's hot and it will sort of just dissolve. This breakfast has about 18 grams of protein (if you make it with skim milk, which I don't know how anyone eats it with water without barfing), about 335 calories, and, yes, about 11 grams of fat, but only about 1 1/2 grams are saturated; the rest are either polyunsaturated or monounsaturated (the good-for-your-heart kind.)

And if you use almond butter instead of pb, its extra monounsaturated fats serve up a double whammy sucker punch to lower LDL cholesterol (the bad one). Unfortunately, almond butter is a quite a bit more expensive. Thus far I have only picked it up wistfully in the grocery store, set it back on the shelf with a sigh, and slowly pushed my cart down the aisle, looking over my shoulder with big, cartoonish eyes. Someday, we will be united.

the mother of all grains

A friend asked the other night about the vegetable I mentioned on my blog, so I said you mean collard greens? and she said, "No, that other one.... that qu--something."

What she was referring to is quinoa (KEEN-wah), which is eaten as a grain; thus my confusion. I realized I wrongly assumed while writing that post that just because my family is used to eating something, and I've seen it talked about in health magazines, doesn't mean everyone knows about it. Slap on wrist.

A mini bio, then, on my little buddy of a grain:

First of all, quinoa is a leafy plant similar species-wise to beets and spinach, but unlike these veggies, the leaves aren't generally eaten--just the seed, which is cooked in the same fashion as grains like rice and couscous. (So, ironically, my friend was absolutely right in calling it a vegetable, even though it caused me to stare at her blankly for several seconds.)

But quinoa has a definite one-up over these other grains because it has an unusually complete amino acid structure, making it an ideal high-protein choice for vegetarians or vegans or just people like me who shy away from relying too much on the flesh of animals. Plus it's got fiber and minerals and wouldn't ya know!--it's delicious too. Unlike the sometimes dry texture of a grain like bulgur wheat, quinoa is light and fluffy and easy to digest.

Besides nutrition, quinoa are also steeped in rich history. They were first harvested by the Incas and are still grown in the Andes--i.e. in Peru, Bolivia, Ecuador, and Chile. So although this grain is relatively new on the American health food scene, it is ancient to South Americans, who have been eating this "mother grain" (which is what quinoa means in Quechua, the language of the Incas) for thousands of years.

Now, I hope you are thinking "hm, well Kayla where can I purchase this tiny miracle?" and the answer is at virtually any grocery store. There is a downside though--the price for quinoa is a bit steeper than that of rice or bulgur (seems like if you want nutrition in this country, you better expect to cough it up) and it's only increasing along with demand. I've had my two 12-ounce boxes of quinoa for months--*cringe* shows how much I cook--and honestly cannot remember how much they cost, but I did a little calculation of what is sold on Amazon (they really do sell everything! hotdamn) and it seems like it's around 5 bucks a pop. But--a little perspective: there are 8 servings per box, thus it's still less than a dollar per serving.

So hold off on that golden arched value menu and buy something you won't wanna throw up 10 minutes later! Your belly will thank you.

Decoding the Jargon, pt. i

I'm a label-reader. I stand in grocery stores and hold two similar-looking packages in my hands and study and compare and critique. And I always run into something, no matter how "natural" the product claims to be: ingredients that may as well be written in Chinese. Or gibberish. Because they are, to about 99 percent of the public.

Words that inspire mental images of lab coats and Bunsen burners in chemistry class my junior year of high school, words that I don't want to ingest.

But I do. We all do.

What are these?

So begins a series in my blog, a perhaps and hopefully coherent and followable trail through this mess of personal and journalistic anecdotes. Because I cannot be the only person who wonders what these things are. And wants to know, in layman's (lame-man's?) terms.

To begin, simply because it is the first one I have found on this bag of (organic baked) tortilla chips:

Maltodextrin*

Merriam-Webster, that nice motherly book of definitions, says that it is:

any of various carbohydrates derived from the partial hydrolysis of starch (as of corn or potatoes) and used in prepared foods especially as a filler and to enhance texture and flavor

Ah, yes. Right. Abstract, thank you.

More digging.

Looks like, you cook a starchy plant (usually corn because we live in the United States and corn invades everything), throw in some enzymes and/or acid (like they pre-digest it for you), and you get a very processed, white powdery substance.

Corn --> Cornstarch --> Maltodextrin

It is just a long chain of glucose (simple sugar) molecules, which makes it technically classifiable as a complex carbohydrate (i.e. the carbs found in fruits, vegetables, nuts, grains, etc.) But, those chains are broken down into single glucose molecules in the body. So it is pretty much sugar once our bodies digest it, and has the same amount of calories (4 per gram), but it is not sweet.

And even though our body processes it as sugar, it is not listed under "sugar" on nutrition labels because it is "complex".  It will just show up under the general carbohydrate listing.

For this devious reason, maltodextrin is used a lot as a filler in foods looking to lower its sugar content and also in energy supplements looking to raise caloric levels without adding taste.

Whew, okay, let me just take a deep breath and cool down my brain, because I had to trudge through a lot of suspicious bullshit just to come up with that simple analysis. Curiously, there is not a lot of good info on the web about maltodextrin, at least that seems trustworthy. (I wondered, Should I go get a *gasp* book?) And a lot of it is contradictory.

For example, one article on a website for vitamin supplements says, "During the cooking process, ... natural enzymes and acids help to break down the starch even further." By not mentioning where those enzymes or acids come from, this gives the impression that they just appear, that they come from the food itself. But, I found on other sites words such as applied and used in reference to enzymes.

My intuition is that, much like its representation on the Internet, maltodextrin is a sneaky thing. It is natural in that it comes from a plant. But it only comes about from manipulation of that plant. And it tricks our bodies into thinking it's something it's not... or maybe it's the food industry that tricks us, by labeling it as "complex" when it really is more "simple."

My advice, especially if you are diabetic: watch out, treat it like sugar. Better yet, just use unrefined versions of sugar. At least those are sweet.



*Ironically, maltodextrin does not show up as a recognized word in Blogger's spellcheck. Go... figure.

Season of the Punkin

October means one thing other than my birthday and Halloween and cold weather and the leaves changing colors:

The Pumpkin.

They're everywhere:

• I indulged in a pumpkin muffin the other week and texted my friend Kelsey to remind her that she wasn't enjoying it with me. (This is a girl who bought a corny Halloween t-shirt because a pumpkin was on it, went to a pumpkin patch and hayride with her boyfriend last weekend and enjoys pretty much any culinary expression of the plant.) She texted back along the lines of: "you bitch I hate you."
• When I look out the window of my bus as it goes down 5th Avenue, the sidewalks and grass and nearly every inch of surface area outside a church are covered with these bulbous orange gourds, and I'm always tempted to yank the cord and jump off the bus to buy one, but then realize this would mean I'd have to tote an awkward, lumpy twenty-pound ball around campus with me all day. 
• Trader Joe's has a special cinnamony, nutmegy pumpkin pancake mix for sale right now that my mom and I made for breakfast this morning. This blogger suggests enhancing the pumpkinness of this breakfast experience with TJ's pumpkin butter... we just topped them with a little cinnamon and brown sugar for fear of turning orange.

This bright, multi-functional plant makes a big appearance every fall, so I thought it only fair to give it a little limelight on my blog. After all, pumpkins are chocked full of vitamins and minerals, particularly the antioxidant beta-carotene, which is converted into vitamin A in our bodies and can help your skin, eyes, and immune system. And they are yummy and can be converted into hundreds of different dishes, as evidenced by the recipe suggestions of these pumpkin-loonies (look, Kelsey, a club you can join.)

So go support a farmer and buy some pumpkins from a local patch and carve them up and roast the seeds and make a pie and enjoy the bounties of one simple little squash. And watch the Pumpkin King in the Nightmare Before Christmas while you're at it (and invite me because I know the words to all of the songs and will murmur them under my breath until you punch me in the arm several times.)

Take your jetpack and leave

When I was a kid, watching the same cartoons my mom watched when she was a kid (and probably in the same position: on floor, on stomach, head in hands), she told me that she had thought the world would be like this by now. (The Jetsons really fucked with the minds of impressionable young baby-boomers, giving them false expectations of flying cars and the ability to steal money from the wallet of your dad without repercussions.)

But it's worth pondering, with all the technological advances we've had in computers and music and movies and telephones and the like, why not in other arenas? Like food? Why can't we press a button and out pops a pill that dissolves into the perfect little army of nutrients that our bodies need? Where the hell are you, science?!

But then again, maybe we do have these new forms of non-natural foods; they're just not in the neat little plastic package we expected. Take for example: energy drinks! energy bars! virtually anything energy related that isn't coffee or tea! I also found an article about food pills (and other futuristic follies) that mentioned food for soldiers, namely MRE's (meals-ready-to-eat) and CM's (compressed meals). Seems one of the only ways to partake in futuristic cuisine is to enlist yourself in mano-a-mano combat.

But really, obviously, if you know me or my blog at all, you will know that I am relieved that pill food did not take off, and, thus, worried about the products out there that are inching towards it. My reasons are many, from scientific to social. First of all, there are aspects of food that just can't be manipulated into a compact package. An article I found about "nutraceuticals", another ploy to present healthful aspects of food in a pill form, states:

The problem, it seems, is that food is too complicated to be stripped down to its chemical components, and that the whole is far greater than its parts. Most nutraceutical studies are done in vitro, not in humans, and a free chemical in a Petri dish behaves far differently than when it is bound to food and sent through the body.

Chemistry aside, there are also capitalist pressures that should make one wary about any food product touting  a plethora of health benefits. As this witty writer for the New York Times Magazine says:

Humans deciding what to eat without expert help — something they have been doing with notable success since coming down out of the trees — is seriously unprofitable if you’re a food company, distinctly risky if you’re a nutritionist and just plain boring if you’re a newspaper editor or journalist. (Or, for that matter, an eater. Who wants to hear, yet again, “Eat more fruits and vegetables”?) And so, like a large gray fog, a great Conspiracy of Confusion has gathered around the simplest questions of nutrition — much to the advantage of everybody involved. Except perhaps the ostensible beneficiary of all this nutritional expertise and advice: us, and our health and happiness as eaters.

 Finally, although the Jetsons are misleadingly posed around a kitchen table, forks in hand, if food really did come in pill form, imagine the loss of the aesthetic pleasures of eating. I mean, what do we all do, whether one is a vegan or lives on a McDiet, when we meet up with friends in the afternoon, a date on Saturday night, extended family on the holidays, Mom or Dad or Son or Daughter or Wife or Husband at home every evening? We eat. Snack. Feast. Nibble. Nosh. Taking a pill makes hunger and nutrition seems like a medical malady, something that needs to be cured. It's not; it needs to be satisfied, with real, whole foods.

adventures to smoothie-land

So I bought that Greek yogurt earlier this week with the sole intention of using it in smoothies. If you've ever had Greek yogurt, you'll know it has a biting taste more like that of sour cream than what we associate with yogurt, which I'm sure causes most non-nutrition obsessed customers to turn up their noses. But funny fact: Greek yogurt is what plain ol' yogurt used to be until the days of additives and thickening agents. The only ingredients in it are skim milk, cream, and a plethora of good-for-your-belly cultures. Because of this, it has substantially more protein than regular yogurt (24g per cup vs. 7g per cup in Yoplait light vanilla). But, you're a real trooper if you can handle it plain. I can't. They sell different flavors in small containers but they are more expensive. So instead I bought the big one and a bag of frozen mixed berries (I already had frozen mango chunks) and decided to try my hand at the art of smoothie-making. What I got was more like frozen yogurt. I was so giddy about the delicious results I decided to post this pseudo-recipe in the hopes that you will try it out!

The only thing I really measured was the yogurt (not because I'm a fantastic chef by any means, I am just lazy and hate doing dishes) but I eyeballed the approximate measurements of the rest:

2/3 cup plain Greek yogurt
~10 chunks of frozen mango
~1/2 cup frozen berries
drizzled honey over it all
splash of skim milk (maybe 1/2 cup?)

Then blend blend blend. If you have a super shitty hand-me-down blender like mine, this could be... a process, mainly because this smoothie is pretty thick. I probably should have given my ancient appliance a break by adding more milk, (I realized while digging mangled mango chunks out of my dull blender blades), but I didn't, mainly because I got really excited when I realized it was like ice cream. But you can feel free to add more milk, different fruits, whatever. It's your discretion.

Which is probably the greatest part about home-made smoothies: you can make them however you want! To hell with recipes! And if you put in healthy ingredients (yogurt instead of ice cream, frozen fruit instead of ice cubes), you're gonna get a smooth, guiltless treat. I know smoothies are and have been a huge health craze for awhile, but if you buy them at some fancy shop they are usually pretty expensive and can add extra crap and calories. But if you make your smoothies at home, then you know what exactly is going into that blender and how much. No surprises there (except the extra cash in your pocket).

And remember, just because you are drinking it doesn't mean it's not a meal/snack. I think our waistlines all learned that several years ago from Frappucinos.

it started with eggs.

So there's this site I often use to find out the nutritional content of food. (I have no idea where they get their information from but it's very legit looking and has everything so I'll take it.)

I went on there earlier this morning as I made breakfast to find out just how bad egg yolks v. egg whites are, and they are very bad, if you are looking to raise your cholesterol just start drinking egg yolks. But I saw a link to an article about the "Paleo diet" and the graphics included two crossed spears and I thought "oh hey! somebody's talking about eating naturally!" so I clicked on it and very quickly became confused. The nutritionist talked about paleo diet vs. Mediterranean diet and what you can and cannot eat on one or the other and my eyes began to cross and I smelled something, perhaps my eggs, burning.

This is a good example of why I hate Diets. I'd say my hate affair started in the first half of this decade, when my dad and stepmom did the whole Atkins bullshit, trading their fruits for pounds of steak and bacon, then wondered why they weren't losing any weight.

Now there are aspects of the Atkins I agree with, and probably most diets for that matter. Protein will keep you fuller than carbs, especially refined ones, and I think that everyone should place sugar and white flour on the same nutritional battlefield as fat. Fat is not alone in this party.

My qualm is with the restriction aspect. The fact that this old guy's telling people you can't eat certain foods-- in an apparently very convincing way, because my parents treated him like a golden all-knowing god-- really grinds my gears. (Is it too early for a Family Guy reference? Probably.)

I believe that it's this restriction, these bans and rules that make people feel confined and unfulfilled while on a diet, and that's why they never work. Scenario: Woman hates body, tells self to stop eating sweets, does it for about a week, then caves in over tiramisu, hates self, feels like a failure, gives up, goes back to unhealthy ways. Convinced that she doesn't have it in her.

Have it in her to do what? Deprive herself in a completely unrealistic way? It takes a superhuman to only eat vegetables, fruits, lean meat, whole grains, and nuts... which is what "the paleo diet" apparently is-- no oils, no dairy. Or it takes someone with buckets of cash to throw away on personal (food conscience) trainers.

So to hell with these diets. America has been diet obsessed for decades and, guess what, we're still fat. I think it's time for every American to start thinking for themselves regarding their health, instead of putting it in the hands of people that I honestly don't trust, because their job is to get you to follow their diets. Stop thinking you aren't "qualified" to make your own decisions about what you eat; we're not dummies, but the Diet industry seems to think we are. It's just common sense, actually thinking about the food before you shove it down your gob. Like, say you crave chocolate. Ho-ho? Hmm... you are high in calories, could probably survive a nuclear holocaust what with all your preservatives, but you are deliciously chocolatey. Dark chocolate bar? You are even MORE chocolatey yet don't have all the crazy gunk ho-ho has! I choose you. But I also know you are high in fat, so I will not eat you everyday, because you are a treat and should stay that way.

But no seriously, try it out! And if you're not sure if something is or isn't good for you, do some research, just make sure Atkins isn't your only source.